Ask Dr. Sheypuk Danielle Sheypuk, Ph.D.

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With this column, I hope to open up a freer, franker discussion about dating, romance, and sexuality with a disability. I am so pleased to be launching my column, “Ask Dr. Sheypuk.” It is something that I have wanted to do for a long time now and something that is greatly needed in the community of people with physical disabilities and those in our family and social circles. One out of five Americans is affected by disability, according to Disability Incites, either having a disability themselves or knowing someone who does. Very recently, we have also seen a nation-sweeping attitudinal change which is pulling people with disabilities out of dark corners and into the light of recognized prestige, beauty, and power. With this significant percentage of our population with disabilities accompanied by a shift in the American mindset regarding the overall image, people have more questions with a marked diversity and range in the questions that are being asked.

I have always admired the able-bodied individuals who have attempted to answer these questions, educating themselves on the welfare of people with disabilities, spending a great deal of time working with the population. But, until you have been affected directly by disability, it is difficult to obtain a perspective that is spot-on. This is why I am so energized to write this column and let the questions cometh forth from EP’s readers. Now, not saying I know all of the answers, but I will utilize my background and credentials and give it my best shot in every case.
I was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type II at approximately age two and have used a motorized wheelchair since Kindergarten. I went on to get my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The New School for Social Research in Manhattan, NY. Honestly, my pursuit of a doctorate in psychology was not related to my disability or any conscious desire to impact the community of people with disabilities per se. I was pushed by a strong interest in psychology in general, and a desire to learn, understand, and help people with issues affecting mental health.

After I moved to Manhattan and began dating and pursuing romance, I realized that this was a seriously problematic area for people with disabilities, and I wanted to make some changes.
Not until I decided to take up this area as a cause did I see that I could make significant, positive changes for people with disabilities. My education, as well as the awareness and insight that come from living life with a disability, put me at a distinct advantage to address the problems of this population – and not only in their dating and romantic lives, but in their overall wellness.
Through my clinical work, both in a busy outpatient mental health clinic and through my private practice where I see clients via Skype, I have honed my skill and have frequently been recognized as a “sexpert” for people with disabilities. But my career is multifaceted, and has also taken me all over as a speaker and media personality. Through this contact, I have been exposed to individuals with all kinds of disabilities, from all over the world, with all sorts of questions.
I have dealt with disability specific questions such as, “How do I start dating?” “How do I encourage my teenager with a disability to date and socialize more? I’m overprotective with my child with a disability and I don’t want to be.” “How do I date when I need a home attendant to come with me?” “How can I improve my sex life when both my husband and I have a disability?” And I have also dealt with more generalized questions such as, “How do I battle depression, and how can I relieve my anxiety?”

SEEING THE LIGHT:
“My professional advice is composed of the elements of optimism and hope
because dating and romance are possible for everyone and so is a balanced, happy,
and productive life, no matter how severe the disability.”

With this column, I hope to open up a freer, franker discussion about dating, romance, and sexuality with a disability. I recall a conversation that occurred when I was a teenager. I was approximately 15 years old and struggling with the fact that no boys were interested in me. I never had a date to homecoming or the school dances, and I did not believe that I was sexy or ever would be. One day, I logged on to an online chat forum where questions of dating and
romance for people with disabilities were allegedly addressed. I asked my question,
nervous and cautiously hopeful, “How can I improve this situation?” I was answered, simply and coldly, with, “It’s going to take a long time for you, but eventually you may meet someone who will accept you and your disability.” Inaccurate and disappointing, nobody wants or needs advice like this. Counter this with an example with a client of mine, whose name will be changed to preserve confidentiality. Paul was a man with cerebral palsy who was 50 years old and had never had a romantic encounter. Depressed and hopeless, he came to therapy with a desire to view himself, and a body that he hated, in a more positive way that would trigger more successful encounters with the opposite sex. He eventually went on to marry the woman with whom he fell deeply in love.

My professional advice is composed of the elements of optimism and hope because dating and romance are possible for everyone and so is a balanced, happy, and productive life, no matter how severe the disability. The questions and problems that I address in my career as a psychologist, examples of which I have given here, are actually quite common. It is simply that, until now, people with disabilities have been encouraged into a state of quiet segregation both from mainstream America, and even to remain separate within their own communities.

But the tide is changing and we are coming forward as a powerful, prestigious group. So,
I encourage you to write in with your questions, whether you have a disability or know someone who does, and ask me anything that concerns you, from questions about mental and emotional health, social and family issues, to dating and sex concerns. Let’s have an open, candid, and rowdy conversation that will improve our wellness as the strong “One” in every five Americans. Let’s keep everyone talking about this new group of fabulous people moving forward into the light.•

ASK DR. SHEYPUK
Holding a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from The New School for Social Research in Manhattan,
NY, Dr. Sheypuk is widely regarded as a “sexpert” and leading commentator on the psychology of dating, relationships, and sexuality for the disabled population. She has established a successful and innovative private therapy practice that employs Skype-based treatment which she engineered specifically to make it easier for people with disabilities to attend sessions. In early 2014, Dr. Sheypuk became the first fashion model in a wheelchair to “walk” the runway at New York Fashion Week. Dr. Sheypuk is available for private therapy sessions, media interviews, seminars, symposia, keynotes and other speaking opportunities. She can be reached at daniellesheypuk.com. Editor’s Note: Dr. Sheypuk’s column will be published every other month. Please email your questions for her to: columnist@eparent.com

With this column, I hope to open up a freer, franker discussion about dating, romance, and sexuality with a disability.

I am so pleased to be launching my column, “Ask Dr. Sheypuk.” It is something that I have wanted to do for a long time now and something that is greatly needed in the community of people with physical disabilities and those in our family and social circles. One out of five
Americans is affected by disability, according to DisabilityIncites, either having a disability themselves or knowing someone who does. Very recently, we have also seen a nation-sweeping attitudinal change which is pulling people with disabilities out of dark corners and into the light of recognized prestige, beauty, and power. With this significant percentage of our population with disabilities accompanied by a shift in the American mindset regarding the overall image, people have more questions with a marked diversity and range in the questions that are being asked.

I have always admired the able-bodied individuals who have attempted to answer these questions, educating themselves on the welfare of people with disabilities, spending a great deal of time working with the population. But, until you have been affected directly by disability, it is difficult to obtain a perspective that is spot-on. This is why I am so energized to write this column and let the questions cometh forth from EP’s readers. Now, not saying I know all of the answers, but I will utilize my background and credentials and give it my best shot in every case.
I was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type II at approximately age two and have used a motorized wheelchair since Kindergarten. I went on to get my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The New School for Social Research in Manhattan, NY. Honestly, my pursuit of a doctorate in psychology was not related to my disability or any conscious desire to impact the community of people with disabilities per se. I was pushed by a strong interest in psychology in general, and a desire to learn, understand, and help people with issues affecting mental health.

After I moved to Manhattan and began dating and pursuing romance, I realized that this was a seriously problematic area for people with disabilities, and I wanted to make some changes.
Not until I decided to take up this area as a cause did I see that I could make significant, positive changes for people with disabilities. My education, as well as the awareness and insight that come from living life with a disability, put me at a distinct advantage to address the problems of this population – and not only in their dating and romantic lives, but in their overall wellness.
Through my clinical work, both in a busy outpatient mental health clinic and through my private practice where I see clients via Skype, I have honed my skill and have frequently been recognized as a “sexpert” for people with disabilities. But my career is multifaceted, and has also taken me all over as a speaker and media personality. Through this contact, I have been exposed to individuals with all kinds of disabilities, from all over the world, with all sorts of questions.
I have dealt with disability specific questions such as, “How do I start dating?” “How do I encourage my teenager with a disability to date and socialize more? I’m overprotective with my child with a disability and I don’t want to be.” “How do I date when I need a home attendant to come with me?” “How can I improve my sex life when both my husband and I have a disability?” And I have also dealt with more generalized questions such as, “How do I battle depression, and how can I relieve my anxiety?”

SEEING THE LIGHT:
“My professional advice is composed of the elements of optimism and hope
because dating and romance are possible for everyone and so is a balanced, happy,
and productive life, no matter how severe the disability.”

With this column, I hope to open up a freer, franker discussion about dating, romance, and sexuality with a disability. I recall a conversation that occurred when I was a teenager. I was approximately 15 years old and struggling with the fact that no boys were interested in me. I never had a date to homecoming or the school dances, and I did not believe that I was sexy or ever would be. One day, I logged on to an online chat forum where questions of dating and
romance for people with disabilities were allegedly addressed. I asked my question,
nervous and cautiously hopeful, “How can I improve this situation?” I was answered, simply and coldly, with, “It’s going to take a long time for you, but eventually you may meet someone who will accept you and your disability.” Inaccurate and disappointing, nobody wants or needs advice like this. Counter this with an example with a client of mine, whose name will be changed to preserve confidentiality. Paul was a man with cerebral palsy who was 50 years old and had never had a romantic encounter. Depressed and hopeless, he came to therapy with a desire to view himself, and a body that he hated, in a more positive way that would trigger more successful encounters with the opposite sex. He eventually went on to marry the woman with whom he fell deeply in love.

My professional advice is composed of the elements of optimism and hope because dating and romance are possible for everyone and so is a balanced, happy, and productive life, no matter how severe the disability. The questions and problems that I address in my career as a psychologist, examples of which I have given here, are actually quite common. It is simply that, until now, people with disabilities have been encouraged into a state of quiet segregation both from mainstream America, and even to remain separate within their own communities.

But the tide is changing and we are coming forward as a powerful, prestigious group. So,
I encourage you to write in with your questions, whether you have a disability or know someone who does, and ask me anything that concerns you, from questions about mental and emotional health, social and family issues, to dating and sex concerns. Let’s have an open, candid, and rowdy conversation that will improve our wellness as the strong “One” in every five Americans. Let’s keep everyone talking about this new group of fabulous people moving forward into the light.•

ASK DR. SHEYPUK
Holding a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from The New School for Social Research in Manhattan,
NY, Dr. Sheypuk is widely regarded as a “sexpert” and leading commentator on the psychology of dating, relationships, and sexuality for the disabled population. She has established a successful and innovative private therapy practice that employs Skype-based treatment which she engineered specifically to make it easier for people with disabilities to attend sessions. In early 2014, Dr. Sheypuk became the first fashion model in a wheelchair to “walk” the runway at New York Fashion Week. Dr. Sheypuk is available for private therapy sessions, media interviews, seminars, symposia, keynotes and other speaking opportunities. She can be reached at daniellesheypuk.com. Editor’s Note: Dr. Sheypuk’s column will be published every other month. Please email your questions for her to: columnist@eparent.com

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